April 20, 2005

Another two weeks later. The recent job interviews have all come back with no job offer. I know I am qualified for the positions, but the companies are deciding on other candidates. I have no choice but to keep looking. Since I've given up the idea of moving to the Twin Cities, I'm really only looking in the Milwaukee area. My friends are all happy about that. They never wanted me to move anyways. I just hope I can land a job soon before I run out of money.

As for the boys in my life, I haven't met too many new people lately. I hung out with a couple of Corey's friends, Jeremy and Jarod (sp?), two Sundays ago at Three. We all were in a silly dancing mood that night. It was a lot of fun and made the night go by pretty quickly. This last Sunday, I talked with Enrique and Jake, whom I met last Thursday at Switch. Jake is a server at the Olive Garden I go to, and he just started dating Enrique about a month ago. Enrique invited Brad and I to a party, and we exchanged numbers. They are both cute guys, and I even think Jake was flirting with me back a couple months ago when he was server at my table. I hope things go well with them as I think they are receptive to having fun friends. Bill from Chicago called me two weeks ago and I've been slow in calling him back. I don't know why I've waited so long. I think he's a really nice guy, and I know the fight he had with his roommate when I was visiting was really due to the roomie being an ass. I'm going to try to call him tonight. Hopefully things are better for him now, as he's had his own set of drama to work through.

This last weekend, I was in the Quad Cities. I even went out Saturday night in Davenport, IA to a club called Fusion. It was a nicely laid out bar, with some cute boys there too. I ended up not drinking, though, and didn't talk to anyone the first hour there. I finally started talking with one of the bartenders, Liz, a lesbian in a two year relationship. She was a lot of fun, and while at her bar, I got introduced to over a dozen guys. Most of them were older, but we had a fun time talking anyways. Two of the guys gave me their numbers, but since I rarely am in that area, they are really of no use to me. The other significant thing about that trip was that I didn't take Cody with me. I actually made the choice to leave him behind and to sleep alone Saturday night. There were two other nights I didn't sleep with him, both of those being when I stayed late at friends' houses watching movies and ended up sleeping on their sofas because I was too tired to drive home. I'm also finding that I'm not holding on to Cody through the whole night anymore. I find him in the mornings somewhere on the bed or floor, but not in my arms like it used to be. I still have him in my arms when I fall asleep, but between my moving around in bed and the fact that my thoughts aren't always on Jordon anymore, I can understand why I've started letting go. Cody will probably still be with me in bed until the point when I have a boy there to take his place. I don't know when that will be, but I'm taking all that in stride. That's all I can do.

April 6, 2005

Well, it's been two weeks since my last entry. I did end up buying the laptop. I love it and it really brightened up a pretty miserable day. I'll enjoy setting it up with just my stuff. For once I have my own computer!

As for my social life, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've been able to hang out with John from Three a couple times outside of the bar. He really is a nice guy and we get along quite well. I know he's working through some issues with his relationship so I am just pursuing a friendship. I have also hung out with some fun guys lately too. Brad and I spent last Thursday at Switch talking with two guys new to town, Blake who just moved from Minneapolis and Jay who is just visiting from Seattle. We had a fun time and ended up going out for breakfast after bartime. The Thursday before that, we talked with Corey (the cute guy I danced with at Cage a while back). I was chatting with him on Yahoo last night and found out he likes Brad, so I guess I am just going to be his friend. Speaking of chatting, I also talked with Derik from Burlington, someone Brad met online. He's adorable! But during that chat, I found out he's going after a guy he's had a crush on for 6 years. Looks like Brad and I will just be friends there too. I find it funny that guys are always surprised I'm single, but yet I haven't had a single person ask me out in months. Oh well...

Right now, I'm in Roseville, MN, just north of the Twin Cities. I originally came up here for a job interview with Wells Fargo Mortgage, but after I got here, I started thinking about why I am still wanting to move here. I really can't come up with any good reason to come here. I think it would be more of me trying to chase Jordon's ghost, and that's just not healthy. I came to the conclusion that I need to start closing the book on the Twin Cities. I called off the interview. I spent part of last night with CJ and his husband, Dave, who I was introduced to online by Jordon. They were nice guys and it helped start the closure process. I've now met someone who also knew Jordon. Today before I leave town, I'm going to take a quick drive up where Lance told me Jordon's house was. I don't know if the info is right or not. He and Jordon's mom haven't contacted me in a long time, so I think they have moved on without me. It's time for me to start doing the same. I need to get my feet back on the ground, focus in on getting a job and apartment back in Milwaukee. Once I get my feet set there, I'll feel more comfortable if I ever choose to relocate. Hopefully the job in Pewaukee will come through this week and I won't have to worry about job hunting for a while. I'll be leaving Minnesota shortly. The next time I come up, it needs to be with someone. The solo trips leave me too much time to think about Jordon. Maybe for Pride in June. I have some time to think about that. For now, I need my life back. Once I have that, I can worry about my gay life.